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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions?

Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist , to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous.

Q: I just started dating women, and I'm not super experienced with it. Do you have a general primer on how to give a handjob to a woman?

A: Thanks for your question! I think a lot of people underestimate how pleasurable handjobs can be , which is a real shame.

Before we get into technique, I want to encourage you to do some exploration on your own first. You have a whole world of exploration at your fingertips!

Take the time to get to know your body and what it likes. Not sure how? Check out our handy guide to female masturbation. Also, despite what the headline says, it is important to note that just because someone identifies as a woman does not mean they have a vulva, and not all people with vulvas consider themselves women.

For the purposes of this article, we will be using the term "people with vulvas. Keep your fingernails trimmed and filed, to avoid scratching their sensitive skin.

You also want to make sure to wash your hands right before getting down to business, to protect your partner from getting an infection in this area.

Spend plenty of time warming up before you move between your partner's legs with their permission, of course. Make out with your partner, kiss their neck, and nibble on their ears.

Caress your partner's butt, hips, and thighs. When you start to work your way down , rub your partner's crotch through their pants using your palm, or grind against your partner with your thigh or pelvis.

Even after their pants are off, keep teasing your partner. Leave your partner's underwear on and trace a fingertip up and down their labia.

You want your partner to be aching for skin-to-skin contact by the time you finally let them have it. Just check in with your partner first and make sure teasing is something they'll enjoy.

So just stroking here, rather than actually entering her, might even be enough. Many women enjoy the multiple sensations arising from a combination of a soft tongue and stronger fingers during oral sex.

Whilst your tongue is busy taking care of the clitoris, you can use your fingers to touch some of the other sensitive spots down there.

Unfortunately, it can be tough to get the right position to accomplish this. But doggy style tends to work well, as does spooning.

You can still use your hands to caress the rest of her body, and up her arousal even more. Manual stimulation can work in most positions. A half spoon position can work well.

As she lies on her back, lie on your side next to her. And your dominant hand will be on top, so has complete freedom of movement to touch her.

The above techniques are a solid guide, but your partner might prefer something a little different. If she moans during a particular rhythm, then master the fine details of that movement.

Really, it can be an issue with all sexual techniques though, and you need to handle it sensitively.

Some women might feel shy or embarrassed though. To help them with this, pick the right time to ask her.

Alternatively, ask her to use her hand to guide your finger. If she puts her hand on top of yours, she can show you the movements and pressure that she likes.

If you suffer from wrist cramps or pain, find a position where your arm is supported the half-spoon position I mentioned earlier, for example. Fingering is a great choice for lots of reasons.

Variety is the spice of life, after all, and your partner will appreciate some attention from your lusciously creative fingers.

Do you have a technique or experience you can share? Or do you have any questions or thoughts about the ideas in the article? This is very good advice and is helping me become better than ever!

I also noticed that my gf likes me to tease her and just go as long as possible without ejaculating. That normal?

Hi Glad you liked the article. I think enjoying teasing and trying to keep sex going is something many people like.

We all have limits! My boyfriend has been fingering me for a while now, I produce more and more liquid as he pulls pull out but when he goes in with his dick and ejaculates he slips due to my wetness what should we do?

Hi Liyya Perhaps ask him to finger you a little less before sex? And wetness and slipperiness is kind of half the fun.

I find switching back and forth can be very stimulating for her. Some women will find flicking uncomfortable.

This has all been sound technical advice. Gently teasing her erotic zones raises her excitement to higher levels, as well. She will be more interested in doing the same for you if you show your willingness to so for her.

Teasing and communication, and generally showing you care about her pleasure, are all signs of a good lover. The fingering success with sex is a question of paying attention to her body.

Hi there No problem — I understand you perfectly! And I agree — paying close attention to her body and how she responds is essential.

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